(G. Scott) In fact, his nose was so large that he could steady the steering wheel with it instead of his knee. One day, while driving along...

(Xephyrus) ...he noticed that his knee was very unsteady. He realized this was a problem because he really needed his nose to steady the steering wheel. So he pulled off at the next exit: the downtown exit of the capitol town of Whadoncha County, Because.

(Tazrina) Because from the outside seemed like Anytown USA. But it was not Anytown, and the residents of Anytown were deeply offended at the comparison.

(MEG) While driving down main street of this capitol town he followed his nose to the local Diner. In that Diner he met a waitress named Alice.

(G. Scott) "What'll it be?" Alice asked as he sat down at the bar.

(G. Scott) The man with the nose responded, "Uh, I'll have the ...

(J.Bond) Vodka Martini, shaken, not stirred." And he glanced at her with ...

(trebor) a straw up one nostril. "I know what your thinking… a man, with a nose like that, how does he get along in life? Well I tell you, I just don’t take myself all too seriously. And, for what it is worth, the measure of my nose does relate to my shoe size. So tell me what’s a girl with a forehead like that doing in joint like this?"

(CA Wino) "Listen to me", she hissed. "If you know what's good for you, you'll get out of here, quick! There's something evil in this town, something that lures facial anomalies. So listen to me and... Yes sir, and would you like fries with that?" she added loudly as the manager walked up to the next table and looked at her oddly. He was a thick man with tiny eyes that showed no whites and a jaw that made Jay Leno look like as if he had a receding chin. Before I could ask for onion rings instead, he said to her...

(G. Scott) ...through a toothy smile that didn't reach his eyes, "Remember the 'special,' Alice - the one with that delcious gravy." He stood just behind her to make sure she 'remembered.'

(Xephyrus) The man with nose felt something very near to panic welling up inside him. He thought to himself, "I've got to get out of this place - what with this chick with that spacious forehead and her evil manager with the chin of a giant - forget the martini - forget the onion rings - I've got to get out of here!" He tried to stand, but the evil manager put his hand on our hero's shoulder and held him in his chair. "Now what do I do?" the man with the nose thought to himself...

(CA Wino) Maybe the girl's a nutcase, he thought, or maybe the manager is. In any case, I don't think this is where I want to be just now. With a flash of brilliance, he tipped the pepper shaker over, spilling some onto the table. Inhaling deeply, he burst into a disgusting sneezing fit that hit the manager and the waitress both with the force of a hurricane. In the ensuing cries of "Oh, gross!" and "I just had this tie cleaned!" Our nosy hero jumped up and began to turn toward the door, but there stood a short, round woman with Dumbo ears right in his path, so he barged through the swinging door to the kitchen instead, opened a likely looking door, and dashed through it into...

((wec) ) What is this? Right off the kitchen, this is a cool room, but so dark. Yikes, the floor is squishing and slippery, Oh noooo.....

(G. Scott) Our nosey hero slipped and slid over to the nearest wall - or at least what he thought was a wall. It squished under his hands. He fought to keep his disgust under control as he tried to figure out where he was and what to do...

(Tazrina) The stench of the place was well on its way to overcoming him. As he fought the losing battle to remain conscious he was thinking, "I wonder how long it has been since the health department inspector was here..."

(CA Wino) Suddenly a light came on, and in the middle of a large room, empty except for a huge clay head with some features, most notably the nose, still missing, and a bald man of perfectly normal proportions standing next to it. Our hero realized that it was the back of that clay head he had bumped into and which had squished under his hands. "Now look what you've done!" exclaimed the man. "Now I'll have to repair that, disgusting hair by disgusting hair! Saaayyy. That's quite a honker you have on you. You're just the man I need! What's your name?" "Cyrano, of course", replied our hero. "My mother was going to name me Buford, but the doctor wrote Cyrano on my birth certificate for some strange reason. What do you need me for, and what is that disgusting odor?" "Ah, that. Sorry, but bean soup was the soup of the day in the restaurant. I just love bean soup, don't you? I need to make a mold of your beautiful nose so that I can finish this life-sized bust of my father. He was a brilliant man! Just look at the size of that brain pan! Oh, pardon me. My name is Michael Angelo. Do you mind? I'm in a great hurry to finish this project." Michael began rubbing vaseline all over Cyrano's nose. "Just so the putty won't stick, you see" he explained. Just then the door burst open and through it came...

(Tazrina) Nothing, absolutely nothing. Kyrano and Mike Anglo peered through the door. "Hellooo?" Kyrano ventured tenatively, but there was no response. It was eerie, there was absolutely nothing outside. The diner was gone, in fact it seemed as though all of Because had vanished. Mike Anglo - who was a bit eccentric recoiled to the farthest corner of his small room which had been his whole world since his father had died. Kyrano, on the other hand, who had been eager to leave Because, was more courageous. He stuck his arm out the door into the nothingness...no harm taken. He then knelt down and reached for the ground outside the door. Nothing, reaching further...still nothing...reaching further, ah ahh Miiiiii... Mike Anglo sprang across the room, but it was too late. Kyrano was gone. Mike knew not where and would not follow. Kyrano lost all sense of time and space...

(CA Wino) ...and found himself suddenly back in his car, steadying his steering wheel with both his nose and his knee. Looking up, he saw a sign that said "Thank you for visiting Because. Come back soon, y'hear?" followed shortly by a sign saying "Leaving Whadoncha County, Entering Rightwing County". Kyrano shook his head in confusion, wondering what had happened. He reached for the radio, intending to find a news station and discover if the whole world had temporarily gone insane, when he noticed a tape sticking out of the cassette slot. Curious, he thought to himself. I didn't even know I HAD a tape deck. But he nevertheless pushed in the tape and listened to it. It started out "Hello. This is Ovid Anglo, Mike's dad. Sorry about the inconvenience, but...

(Xephyrus) ...Mike has always been a little hard to deal with. I know what you're thinking, that the fabric of reality must have been worn pretty thin back in that Diner. Well, rest assured, Kyrano, reality is intact. You see, Mike has a natural born gift - he hypnotizes people into believing what's in his imagination. It really is quite remarkable, if you think about it. He spends most of his time in there - in his own imagination - and has never managed to find a way to deal with the real world. He's really just a child. That's why he needs your help. Well, actually, it's your nose he needs. He needs it to...

(J W) RUN ERRANDS.

(G. Scott) ...the kleenex factory contracted with him to do their quality control testing, see, and...

(CA Wino) Their tissue stress tester is on the blink. The Federal Tissue Administration requires that large areas of tissue are sampled before the product can be shipped. You should have seen what happened when our toilet paper tester went on the fritz!

(dusty) They really got down to the bottom of that one.

(G. Scott) Heh heh heh. Butt seriously, Kyrano, Mike does need your help. So, if you're busily fleeing him right now (as I expect youa re) please consider turning around and going back. It would really make all the difference in the world. Literally. Do you have any idea what he could do to the world with the powers of imagination he has? It would be devestating."

(Bonita) Kyrano by this time was feeling utterly confused and found himself contemplating getting a nose ring, or something of that type, so that he would not be considered such an oddity in modern society. What else had landed him where he was? And who was this Ovid, and where was he? Wasn't he dead???

(S M) He turned around and went back to the Diner. On the way their he got anose ring.... a big hoop 12 feet in diameter.

(Ralphiel Jordan) after he got the nose ring, walking out he walked into a man. This man was 7"2", and didn't like the fact that he was walked into. So he picked him up and ripped the nose ring from his face. Blood was ever- where.

(Amy Cowan) "Mike hypnotizes people into believing what's in his imagination," Cyrano thought, and the seven-inch, two-inch man disappeared. His nose no longer bled. Cyrano parked his car and ran out into the street screaming, "Mike! Mike! I've come back to help you!" Suddenly before Cyrano was a cloudburst of mucus from which a figure gradually took form. It was Mike Angelo.

(Tazrina) In a soothing voice Mike told Kyrano to relax, he had everything under control. Mike consoled Kyrano and explained he had done well, and passed all the tests and he is now able to . . .

(Hitman) help him conquer the earth. Enslave every living soul and fuck which ever woman he chose to do so. May she be a supermodel, an actress or a fat bitch with a 9-5 job. Our hero happy with the thought of being able to lose his virginity. Lost all sense of moral codes and offered to help conquer the earth.

(Dumpling) Then he realized that the only thing he really wanted to conquer was Mike. So Kyrano jumped forward and attached his jaw to Mike's leg. Mike came instantly. Kyrano was overcome by mother-love and came as well. Kyrano slowly opened his mouth and savored the flavor of dirty fabric and sin. Mostly the sin.

(Tom) Then suddenly he casm to his senses and realised what he was doing. He thought "no way! I can't live like this!" He jumped into his car and hit the gas with his long nose. He drove until he got to a buddhist monastary where he immediately joined. He spent several happy years at the monastary, until one day..........

(Chas) His sexual tendances for Mike's leg overcame his need for bieng a buddist he pointed his long nose in a northerly direction and set out in search of Mike's leg......

(Jesus) Seek and yee shall find

(david garner) but at that very second as he pointed his nose in a northenly direction a giant thunderstorm appeared out of nowhere and it soon began to thunder and sheet lightning filled the sky. As kyrona's nose hung in the air a giant freak flash of lightning hit his nose. after several hours kyrano came too and realised he must have been knocked unconcious,but not only that but also that he had in the wink of a stick of wilting celery had been transported to a alternative universe. looking around he found the sky was green and the grass was blue and goldfish swam in front of his face in thin air. and hanging in the sky where the sun should have been was a giant ball of string. and instead of clouds their where fluffy irregular shapes of candyflose floating by. then without warning as if appearing from nowhere a giant stick of celery appeared. it peared down at kyrano and he could see it had eyes and a mouth and ears. thinking for a moment kyrano said to the celery "take me to your salad"..............

(pm) the celery, angered by the use of the sacred s-word shot out a celery-death-ray which missed kyrano and hit a sheep which was walking nearby..

(Zelda) As the sheep eploded, splattering our hero with it's green and orange innards, Kyrano collapsed in pure disgust and, in so doing, fell into what seemed to be a psychadellic spinning hole. He clasped tightly his strong and powerful nose, in the hope of finding some direction out of this crazy mess, when suddenly the spinning subsided and he was amazed to see, bounding towards him...........

(Rachel) ...his conscience, dressed in a sexy white string bikini, but it was his conscience anyhow. It leered over him while the psychedelic hole started contracting in wavelike spasms, oozing around him and seemingly becoming something solid and not merely his runaway imagination...

(rto) Kyrano still had his faithful nose clutched in his hand. He stretched his otehr hand out slowly, carefully, and touched a substance suspicously like jell-o. He'd heard about food dreams before, but this was ridiculous. His conscience strutted over onto his chest, a lookalike of him with a nosering, unfortunately not twelve foot in diameter. Kyrano could not for teh life of him remember what happened to Mike, though he faintly remembered asking to be taken to the salad. To be embraced within the fold and become nothing more than a mere, humble vegetable peering out at the world with eyes glazed over with Italian dressing... Oh, me and my imagination, Kyrano thought just as a shadow of darkness began to creep over his eyespan. He looked about, fearful, and was shocked to see...

(Strange Tidings) Jabba the Hutt with a bunch of warthog guys in tow. They all looked awfully mad, and with them they brought Mike, the poor guy was tied to a long stick carried by the Ewoks of Endor. It looked like trouble was brewing, and it was brewing fast

(Bob) Jabba the Hutt with his green warthog friends in tow, and they didn't look happy. Behind them, being dragged by his ankles from a rope towed by a bunch of brown Ewoks from the planet Endor, came Mike. He was covered in Italian dressing, which reminded Kryano that he'd missed lunch. His stomach rumbled hungrily, only to be silenced by the over powering scent of Jabba. The guy smelled strongly of pepperoni and popcorn, extra butter with a dash of tobasco. The image was not an appealing one.

(Strange Tidings) Jabba the Hutt with a bunch of his green warthog guys, and they were all covered with white slime. Kryano was dismayed to recognize the odor that he was searching for permeating their persons. They all smelled like Mike's leg, which could only mean one thing. Mike had not been faithful after he was accepted into the fold.

(emerald) Cyrano studdenly realized that he was having a wierd halucination, probably brought on by the smell of Mike's leg, and that Jabba the Hutt was just in some stupid movie (what's it called?) that he saw last week. He also realized that he spelled his name Cyrano (for those of you who had English class in high school, duh). He was so realived to know that it was just a hallucination. But if that was true why could he still smell that smell...