Cowering in the corner, my safe place
I hear the chatter, I cover my ears
I feel the pain, I cover my heart
trying to shield it again from another break
I feel the emptiness, I cover my soul
again it was set free to soar and crash
The fear of the unknown makes my skin crawl
like snakes that swirl in, out and around the remains of a
dead carcass
The voices in my head become louder
I cannot tell the difference between
what I am thinking and what they are telling me
I stepped out of my safe place
I believed, I cared, I loved
I felt the sun upon my face,
I felt the warmth of his love,
His words wooed me into an euphoric state
I believed, I opened up
Like a butterfly when it leaves the cocoon
I spread my wings, I took a chance, I soared
I felt free, almost weightless
I was loved, I was beautiful
He knew my soul, he knew my weaknesses, he gave me strength,
I felt empowered by his love...I was invincible, had found truth,
honesty and the freedom to be me, to communicate my feelings
without being judged...
The hard, rusted armor that had surrounded me fell off
In its place was billowing chiffon, soft and light
I was floating, I needed no safety net
I had finally found LOVE
Then the sun was not as bright
the warmth of his love turned cold and distant
His words were no more, non-existent
I heard the laughter of the voices mocking me
a laughter that I have become so used to
a laughter that I thought had ceased, but now laughing I join
I sit here with only the voices, the chatter of the past to
comfort me
Amazing how the wondrous things and the beautiful things
always leave,
but the Shattered Beliefs always remain
they become your friends, you start to believe them
to have conversations that last long into the morning
without sleeping,
how they comfort you when you need to cry
they are your true beliefs..they have to be..it is all you
have to hold onto now..
Your beautiful butterfly wings are clipped
ripped right from you as you sit upon a pile of dreams
A pile that is stained with tears, almost shredded with despair
They sit next to the regrets, failures and other Shattered Beliefs
But these surroundings are familiar to me, they encompass me,
they comfort me
Deep down somewhere inside me I hear a voice screaming to me
"Believe..It is true..It is yours"
And I dared to believe, I wanted to believe it was true
to believe that this was all mine
What a fool...
Who was I to think I could leave all this, that I could just
walk away
Who was I to think that I was worthy to be loved, completely
and unconditionally
I humbly returned to my safe place as the door to Shattered
Beliefs closed
Slammed shut as I stood there begging to be let back in
Questioning why I was pushed out and getting no answers
Recalling the promises that were made
Remembering how hard it was for me to trust, to open up and
to share
and how much easier it is to shut down again and to toss these
dreams away
Slowly I feel my body turning back into
who I was before
I suit up in my armor
as I lay the beautiful chiffon in a box
with the memories of who I was and may never be again
with the love that I thought was mine
with the tears of yesterday and tomorrow
with my Shattered Beliefs
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