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I am sitting here by candlelight wondering why I am feeling so lost, when
days ago I was sure that I was found? Now it all seems jumbled up in my
head, with nothing making room for my heart. What is it that people
normally say? Is it "follow your heart" or is it "follow your head"? I
don't remember. For the life of me, I don't know which is more capable of
leading. Do I trust the one that has lead me astray so many times before,
or do I approach with cautious logic? I don't remember how these things go.
I don't remember how this stuff is supposed to feel. Am I supposed to
feel dizzy? Am I supposed to feel sorrow? Why are there so many questions?
Last time I checked, I had all of the answers. I was in the lead.
It is scary when your own life leaves you behind; when tight grasps that you once had on her--to make sure she was so closely grounded--take flight. It is beautiful to watch her fly, but will she ever come back? Will she be too happy to be free to think, to guard from the inevitable? What are these walls that are building around me? I don't want them here...please believe me... I don't. What is this shell around my soul? Why is it so strong when she finally wants out, to breath and to drink and to live? Will she leave me as reason has? I can't control these things,.. I wish I knew how.
I guess I risk. |